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Students Thrash Faculty

September 9, 2014 - 2:13pm

It’s that time of year again, the bright dawn of an awesome new semester at Marlboro, and I’m not talking about any old convocation, or registering for classes, or the first yummy community dinner. I’m talking about that most august of September rituals known as the students vs. faculty/staff softball game. That breathtaking event where community members put aside their Dostoevsky and their vector fields and their epistemological solipsism to pit their lofty brains against six ounces of kapok stuffing.

In case you didn’t know, Princeton Review ranks Marlboro as #18 among colleges for “Nobody Plays Intramural Sports,” and a whopping #10 for “There’s a Game?” When it is not broomball season, the pinnacle of Marlboro sportsmanship, most students prefer to get their exercise hiking up to the science building or seeing how many can fit on the OP stone bench. But somehow these particular students didn’t get that memo, because they turned out the most fearsome and strapping team of softball ringers that had ever pummeled a ball on Person’s field.

At least, that’s my feeble explanation for the resounding defeat of the faculty/staff team, with a final score of 8 to 20-or-30-something. John “physical capital” Rush, Marlboro’s new economics professor took a productive turn on the mound, but could not exert a normative influence on the supply of (or demand for) soaring hits by the students. Philosophy professor William “epistemology” Edelglass led the team with a competitive edge that would have made Emmanuel Kant blush, and chemistry professor Todd “kinetic energy” Smith made his mark with a three-run homer that had everyone’s electrons excited for a moment. But the faculty/staff team never quite rose to the students’ challenge, despite an generous allowance of extra outs and the rousing solo cheerleading of Kathy “pom-pom” Waters, alumni director. There’s always next year.

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